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by Dane Youssef
“When they banned child abuse and sodomy of infants, IT SHOULD OUTLAW”
Here is a movie so wrong-headed, wrong-hearted , wrong-made … So worng, you’d think the old axiom of a broken clock’s right twice a day would turn out. But nope. It does not. Not by a longshot.
One of my most depressing experiences as a child saw Rob Reiner’s “North.” In fact, so extensive internet research has shown me, it was a painful experience for many as children and stayed with him into adulthood.
One of the worst films of the year. One of the worst movies of the decade. One of the worst movies ever made. One of the worst ever. And when I say “worst”, I’m comparing to mind when the plague, the Holocaust, World Hunger, AIDS and Leperocy.
Elijah Wood is a wonder boy who is constantly ignored by his parents despite his good intentions and efforts to make most parents beam with pride as the Sun. He spends much time feeling ignored and sits in a chair in a furniture store in the mall thinking. He decides he deserves better parents than the ones he has (who does not?) And divorce them.
His comatose people against shocks, but who cares? He is already looking better.
He travels around the world and find a surrogate who are not suitable for him. Not sweet, caring, nuturing … or very funny or interesting.
His best friend from school is excited about the divorce and get the word to all parents that children deserve better and what better or else to change.
I was actually in physical pain to see how bad the movie plot is handled.
While it is a thrill to work together to see Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus as a married couple and action legend Bruce Willis in a bunny suit … believe me, it does not last. The bad outweighs the good. Oh, how the bad the good offsets.
The big celebrity names are many bit players: Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, Jon Lovitz, Bruce Willis, Graham Greene, Abe Vigoda, Richard Belzer, Ben Stein, Alexander Godunov, Kelly McGillis, John Ritter , Scarlett Johansson, Lauren Tom and Alan Arkin. Films with a big name cast of extras does is kind of difficult. Often this leads to a bunch of actors embarrass themselves in bit roles for a quickie throwaway salary and “the importance of the work.” It all really depends on the film itself – the screenplay and the director.
If a movie with such a high pedigree of actors and filmmaker, Mr. Rob Reiner, you wonder why this whole thing was so incredibly wrong. And then went on. And going and going. I am reminded of the memorable quote: “Only those who dare to fail greatly, can achieve greatly.” And just about everyone who flaunt this picture have achieved a lot in one time or another. So … there you go. The ying to the yang.
The result may be “Traffic” or “Gosford Park”. And may result in “Even Cowgirls Get The Blues” Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. “
You know, it’s funny. When I first saw the trailer for” North “, I thought to myself,” Wow. This seems a good movie. I’m going to see this. “And yes, damn good trailer made this look like a good one. It just goes to show ads … you can put anything attractive. Hey, remember” Babe: Pig in the City? ” The ads do not make the film seem a lot. But the movie was … wow.
Hey, come to think of it – I would like to recommend to eveyone who was unfortunate enough to have more of this to see what they are used for the trailers (as much as a frame anymore) to go out and rent “Babe II.” It’s an ideal antidote.
Of course, you may be a few days bed rest and antibiotics needed after seeing the “North”, but after that … please … do not let this put you off one movie. Or one of the talented people who were associated with this abomination.
Wood is one of the most talented actors ever to grace the business and the man seems incapable of a bad job on the screen to do it. Just check out “Radio Flyer” or ” proof. But hey, if I must tell you, right?
But while his performance is on par with Brando, Guinness, Hopkins and Kilmer, not every movie coming his way compliments his talents. Shortly after the disastrous failure “The Good Son”, which drove it out to theaters as a thick, nutty, wry turd after a whole year of improper diet. Adding further insult to injury.
It is amazing – to the point of going cross-eyed and your head exploding “Scanners”-style -. trying to figure out what in God’s name, the filmmakers thought
Seriously, I actually picture Jesus H. Christ the cross, thinking to himself: “I died for this … ? If I had known, I would not have bothered. “
We all make mistakes, even colossal ones. Even the best of us.
Hell, especially the best of us!
Walt Disney was an anti-Semite. L. Ron Hubbard was a pedophile. R. Crumb is a racist and misogynistic sycophant. … I myself
Well, I could go, but you get the idea. Frankly, avoid it as much as you about hepatitis A through-Z. He leaves a sulfur smell the fragrance of autumn pasture compared to these.
In short, “North” is a childhood trauma that refuses to be repressed. For many, including myself. Let not yours.
However, we are all mortal. We are all human. We all make mistakes, we stumble, we falter.
None of us are infallible. Rob Reiner has redeemed us “When Harry Met Sally,” “The Sure Thing,” “This Is Spinal Tap,” “The Princess Bride” and “The American President. “Certainly, we can forgive” North. “Can not we?
“Only those who dare not achieve very much.”
and Reiner has clearly done both. Let us at this as one of the greatest follies of mankind … to laugh and try to find. Not the film itself, which is clearly impossible, but at the expense of the film.
Like many Jewish comedians have done with the Second World War, the Holocaust and the years of slavery they were subjected to in Egypt, this is just one thing we must learn to laugh. Not with AT.
OK, Mr. Reiner. You are officially forgiven. Good luck … and let’s hope another one like this abomination is in the works.
Peace …
by Dane Youssef
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